‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except for one spouse.
She’d hung up the fur-lined, white stockings with care,
and wished that her ex hadn’t said he’d be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
With visions of more faithful dads in their heads;
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
She sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.
When, what to her wondering eyes should appear,
But a bright red Toyota, big bow on its rear,
With a happy ex husband, so lively and quick,
She knew in a moment he’d met some new chick.
He was dressed all in gold, from his neck to his shoes,
And his hair was all greased back with hair gel like glue;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes—still like chocolate! His smile—still a charm!
His mouth still had lips that could set off alarms!
He still had his ten-pounder, massive pot belly
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was middle-aged, charming, so not like himself,
And she laughed when she saw him, in spite of herself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave her to know she had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his phone, gave his new chick a call,
And away he flew like the belle of the ball.
Did he hear her exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Thank God for Natasha, a great friend alright.
Now who can I beg to seduce him next year?
Who cares, let it empty his wallet with cheer?”
This Christmas she laughs at her apparent plight,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”