Irish blessings can be found anywhere, probably because we are exceptionally talented at multiplying both words and babies. I’ve always loved the Irish blessing:
May those who love you love you; and those who don’t love you, may God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn’t turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles so you’ll know them by their limping.
I’ve come up with a few of my own, and added in some favorites from others.
May the grass grow long on the road to hell for want of use.
May your troubles be as few and as far apart as my grandmother’s teeth.
May your phone’s badly autocorrected words always be caught before you hit “send.”
May you always be one degree of separation from at least one celebrity (because knowing one makes you important, right?).
May a mouse ne’er leave your meal bag with a tear in its eye.
May you live and may you wear it out.
May you be an hour in heaven before the devil knows you’re dead.
May you have the hindsight to know where you’ve been, the foresight to know where you’re going, and the insight to know when you’ve gone too far.
May your diet always include all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.
May you always have a child to brag about.
May you never run out of toilet paper.
May your finger never go through the toilet paper.
May your list of Facebook friends extend past your immediate family.
As you slide down the banisters of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.